Demigod Rap Battles
by bethechange1011
Summary: Most of us have heard of the youtube channel ERB or Epic Rap Battles. I saw a demigod parody (Leo VS Khione), but I was disappointed that there weren't any more. So, I've decided to make my own. Get ready to see our favorite demigods put their witty rhymes to the test! Note: I am aware that the characters would not act this way in reality, this is purely for entertainment.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello everyone! I am back with a new story! Well, technically, I was never gone, in fact, this is my third active story at the moment. Three with my schedule might be a little bit of a struggle to update as often as possible, but I really liked this idea and wanted to get it written down as soon as I could. No, this was definitely not my idea, I saw an original on pinterest and loved it (I believe it was Leo VS Khione) however, there weren't any more. So, I wanted to put some more out there. Let the raps begin!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the PJO/HoO series, nor do I own Epic Rap Battles which belongs to well- the youtube channel Epic Rap Battles. All rights go to them.**

Round 1: **Percy**vs Jason (And we all know who the winner will be)

**Let's get this started, it'll just be a breeze**

**By the time I'm done I'll have you down on your knees.**

**I am Percy Jackson, son of the sea**

**It took you years to be praetor, but only one quest for me!**

**I am greater than all the heroes, even Hercules**

**You'll be lucky if you get a job raking leaves!**

Those are your insults, you piece of kelp?

My rhymes will have you begging for help.

You're not so mighty without your oceans and creeks,

And don't forget that the Romans conquered the Greeks!

My girlfriend's a beauty, all your's is is wise,

And it's not like you could ever fly!

**Ha! Some witty retort! **

**I could destroy your legion's ships before they even leave the port!**

**I've got five people after me, what do you have, two?**

**I didn't beat you in Kansas, but you know I was going to.**

**My mom's super supportive, yours couldn't be less!**

**And we all know it's me that the fangirls like best!**

I've been training all my life, you can't stop me!

It was _I _who beat Gaea, only you in your dreams!

I _earned_ my memory back, you had to drink blood.

I am pontifex maximus, you worthless dud!

Now let's wrap this up, don't make another sound,

I think we all know that I won this round!

**AN: Ah, that was actually a lot of fun to write. The rhymes weren't too hard either. Of course, I am aware that Jason and Percy would probably never never say these things to each other, nor would any other of our favorite demigods, but, of course, this isn't real. So, in the reviews, let me know what you thought and who you want next! **


	2. AN

**AN: Hi guys. First of all, I'd like to just straight out say it: I'm leaving Fanfiction. I know, I only got here last August, but I'm just really- I don't know. Stressed? That's probably the right word. This year has been extremely stressful and I felt so much pressure and I simply just don't have much time for my stories anymore. If you've noticed, I'm updating a lot slower now, especially on stories that I used to update weekly. And it's supposed to stay this way for a long time, that is, if I want to keep doing performing arts and do well at school. So- I might come back someday, but I doubt it will be for a while. I want to thank all of you who have given me so much support throughout my time on here. I couldn't ask for better reviewers, followers, people who favorited my stories, or even just my readers. I love you guys and will miss you so much!**


	3. Chapter 2

**AN: APRIL FOOLS!**

**silverwolvesarecool: Thanks! I'm so glad you like it!**

**solangelolover: Your wish is my command (PS: I love solangelo too)**

**StarsNeverFade: I know right!**

**Guest 1: Stay tuned!**

**Brightfern: ^^^**

**Guest 2: Glad you like it!**

**Crazy Writer Person: Thank you! Here you go!**

**PercyJacksonGirl101: Thanks! And your request has arrived**

**AlecReyes20: Thanks! I like them both, but I always have to go with Percy.**

**AmberEmber7: You got that right**

**Disclaimer: I don't own!**

Round 2: **Calypso **VS Annabeth

**So, you are this Annabeth of Percy's**

**He's clearly dumber than I thought, I don't know what he sees**

**I was beginning to regret ever making you blind**

**But it turns out, that as always, right was my mind**

**I can create magic just by starting to sing**

**Now, what do you have to say, you filthy thing?**

You dare challenge Annabeth Chase to a duel?

My gods, you really are a fool

Percy was right to pick me over you

It's a wonder that Leo actually followed through!

Everything about you just makes me want to hurl

So bring it on, heartbreak girl!

**You might be wise, but your rhymes are nowhere near mean**

**I am Calypso, Ogygia's queen!**

**I'm famous in myths, what about you?**

**And you call this hair? Start using shampoo!**

**How was Tartarus? I'm gonna make you wish you were back**

**I'd insult you more, but there's too much you lack!**

My dad saved my life, your's killed your sister

He's even bigger of a jerk than Hitler!

Don't even try, you know you'll lose

You're so ugly it's eye abuse!

Now back off before I knock you to Argentina

And remember: Never mess with a daughter of Athena


	4. Chapter 3 AT LAST OMGS

**AN: Oh. My. Gods. I am sooooo sorry. I suck so much. So, what's my excuse for not updating in so long? Well, huge piano competition coming up in less than a month, a crap ton of tests, moving across the country, Shadow Magic (an AMAZING book that I got the privilege of reading before it comes out), a crap ton of homework, and yeah. If you're an amazing person who's read my other stories, yes, they will be continued, just updates might be very slow. I apologize so much, and if you're still with me on these stories at this point, I love you guys so much.**

**This was a demigod rap battle written by ****TheArgentinianDemigod, it is a little more ****explicit than the past two (there is one curse word) but if that doesn't bother you, then please keep on reading. She (or I suppose possibly he) did an AMAZING job with it and you should totally check her/him out. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own!**

Grover-  
Better think before starting with G-Man  
I'll leave you with my hooves up your chin, man  
Yeah I may be half-goat, but i'm way better than you  
I've seen badder monsters in f***ing Scooby Doo  
You're bigger than a Minotaur, but scared of a bunny?  
You trying to beat me is way too funny  
Your little mind can only take so much hassle  
Now go back to your forge to make one-eyed glasses!

Tyson-  
Ooh, little goat boy wants to talk about scared.  
He could not go underground if he was paid  
You wanna mess with me?  
Go make out with a tree  
Don't come near me, I'm on a killing spree  
And I remember the day you made baby satyrs cry  
Cause you found Great Pan, then you let him die

Grover-  
I didn't let Pan die, he chose his faith  
And yours is to get thrown deep into a lake  
You are the son the Big Three, yet you got no skill  
If it wasn't for Percy you would have already been killed!

Tyson-  
Percy-dependent? That's you my dear Grovy  
You are as old as Obi-Wan Kenobi  
You are 28 yet your mind's fourteen?  
No wonder your as soft and coward as a little kid!  
Your face is so ugly, a hungry monster wouldn't eat you  
I'll craft you a thousand swords, and I'll still beat you.


	5. Chp 4: BACK ON A REGULAR UPDATE SCHEDULE

**AN: *crawls out from under rock* So… um… hi guys? Well, I'm here to say that I'm still alive! And I intend to update a lot more often now? Promise, swear on the Styx. I will be creating an updating order so if you want to go to my profile, I have a poll to see which of my stories you want me to work on the most. I am SO sorry for leaving you guys without a chapter for so long, but thank you to anyone who is still with me now, even though I totally don't deserve it. **

**For those of you who sent me your own rap battles in the comments, I read them and they are AMAZING. If you guys want me to post them as a chapter, PM me to let me know and I will gladly give you credit :) WIthout further ado, here's probably the most requested one.**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN**

Round 3: **Leo **VS Frank

**Hands up, Baby Man, Leo's in the house!**

**You might as well want to go turn yourself into a mouse**

**I'm bad boy supreme, get on my level**

**If this was a show, you'd have the audience throwing pebbles!**

**You should just go move in with Don the Faun! **

**Now go ahead, the flame is on!**

You know, I'd rather go live in a zoo,

Than listen to another rhyme written by you!

So, Leo, how was dying?

I can tell you that I wasn't crying!

You know you'll always be the seventh wheel

Get ready, cause the lead is what I'm about to steal!

**I can fix almost anything, but your raps are beyond repair**

**So sit down Zhang, take a chair**

**Okay, maybe my rhymes aren't totally slick**

**But at least my life doesn't depend on a stick!**

**You're a poor excuse for a son of Mars**

**When I am done with you, you'll be seeing stars**

I can't believe you're so dam thick

If you think you're the best, let's let Hazel pick.

Your dad was so ugly, Hera tossed him off Olympus

I guess I can totally see the family resemblance

Calypso, must be blind, out of her mind

Now we all know who really won this time

**AN: Yayyy now that's done! So, let me know in the reviews who you think won, and also, who do you guys want me to write a battle for? Now, I need to go find some stuffed animals, if you get what I'm hinting at *wink wink***


	6. Chapter 5

**AN: So, I wanted to write more, so here's an early update! Hope ya like it! PS, sorry about the mistake last chapter, it was supposed to be round 4, not round 3. If any of you caught that, (::)(::)(::)**

**UltimanteFangirl5000- Thank you so much! And yasss he did.**

**KoalaLover-ABC-123- Thanks! I laughed while writing that too XD**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN**

Round 5: **Octavian **VS Rachel

**Eww. A mortal working with the Greeks**

**Why would I ever want to hear raps from a freak?**

**You're painted jeans disgust me**

**Do you have no dignity?**

**tu abominatio***

**Now let's see if you can beat this sick flow**

Poor Octavian with his little teddy bears

Well guess what! No one cares!

Sure I may not be a half blood

But at least I'm not a dud.

Let me try to draw you a brain

Maybe then you'll realize, you're never going to reign

**I died a hero! Trying to bring glory to my camp**

**In the end, I will truly be a champ**

**You couldn't even get Percy**

**I'll have you begging for mercy**

**Try me again, that I **_**dare**_

**I'll bring out my knife and make it as red as your hair**

Silence! I'm getting another prophecy

_Two prophets shall duel and only one will claim victory_

_The augur shall rot in the fields of punishment_

_Whilst the oracle takes the win, a hundred percent_

_He'll regret that her he ever crossed_

_Because before he opened his mouth, he already lost_

**AN: Hope you guys liked that one! In Octavian's first verse, *tu abominatio is Latin for "You're an abomination" in case you were wondering. Let me know who you want to see next and see ya next time! Also, next is a request I got for a pairing that I've been meaning to write a one-shot for, would you guys mind if I combined them? Made a one-shot where there's a rap battle? Lemme know what you guys think. :)**


	7. Chapter 6

**AN: Hi guys! So, I got a request for Thalia VS Nico, a request for Percy VS Nico, AND a request for Percy VS Thalia. I could write three individual battles, OR I could write a three way battle. Therefore, here you go. Enjoy! **

**Also, I got a reviewer that was confused about the AN at the end of the rap battle before last when I mentioned needing to "go find some stuffed animals" that was just a hint that the next battle would have Octavian in it. :)**

Round 8: Percy VS Thalia VS **Nico**

Listen, punks. I don't have much time

So do me a favor and spare me your rhymes

Daughter of Zeus, blessed by Artemis

You really don't want to see me pissed

Are guys overrated? Definitely

And here we have exhibits A and B

Aww, Tals, you're rhymes are cute

In order to win, you need to be a lot more brute

Team Percy's the way to go, I'll make you _sea_

You know, you really were a lot better as a tree

Get yourself ready, Pinecone Face

Because Percy's about to take the lead in this race

**You're one to talk, Perce**

**Your stupidity is the size of the freaking universe**

**It's really no wonder why you're not my type**

**And Grace, don't think I'm about to let you slide**

**Luke's doing well with my father**

**Especially now that he doesn't have you as a bother**

**AN: I know, I know, I didn't have anyone roast Nico specifically. The reason for that is the next two battles will be Nico VS Someone, so since he's getting dissed plenty of times, I decided to cut the poor guy some slack. Let me know what you thought! If you liked having a third person, let me know and maybe I'll do a giant rap battle with the Seven in the future. Until then, bye!**


	8. Chapter 7

**AN: Okay, so here's one that was requested that I absolutely had to do because I've recently become sooooooo obsessed with them, just THE FEELS. Nothing like good old Solangelo to make you forget that Aphrodite wants to make your life miserable. :/ Also, expect a lot of updates in my three active stories because I still have a month before school starts and need something to do. **

**Disclaimer: I'm 99.9% sure I'm not the god of trolls, so I don't own.**

Round 6: **Nico **VS Will

**Oh, look who it is, the disgrace to the Apollo cabin**

**I'll leave you wondering what just happened**

**Mr. Sunshine and rainbows got nothin on me**

**I'm death itself, so run away and scream**

**I was there the whole giant war, can you say the same?**

**You were off hiding at camp- lame!**

Ha! You think you can out rhyme an Apollo child?

Oh, my rhymes are about to drive you wild.

You may have sailed the Mediterranean

But we were right there when the real battle began

I'm gonna steal the win, like I'm a son of Hermes

You might as well just go back to the thirties

**You'd be dead if you did half the things I did**

**You simply can't beat a Hades kid**

**Son of the sun can't shoot for his life**

**I can't imagine him ever attracting a wife**

**If what you do best is heal**

**Then heal yourself from the roasts that I deal**

You just don't get it, do you Angel?

I'd really hate for this battle to get painful

I just can't stop dissing you, not even for a little bit

I'm like the ghosts you raise, cause _I'm lovin it_.

You want some Aloe for those sunburns?

Report to the infirmary, doctor's orders.

_The two boys looked at eachother, breathing heavily for a while. Will started to panic, what if he had insulted Nico, got on his bad side? Oh gods, what if he hated him now? He had tried his hardest not to get too personal, this was just for laughs, wasn't it?_

_Finally, Will decided to test the waters. "You did really well."_

_Nico gave half a smile. "You too."_

"_You do know I didn't mean a thing I said, right?"_

"_I… I didn't either." Nico was clearly uncomfortable with the awkwardness._

"_Weellllll, I have a confession to make. Remember when you said you can't imagine me having a wife?" Will asked._

"_Of course, I remember, it was two minutes ago."_

"_The truth is, I can't either. Girls aren't really my thing, if you get what I'm saying."_

_Nico felt his heart stop. Holy schist._

"_And" Will continued, "I'd much rather have someone like you."_

_That was it. Nico was sure he had passed out and was dreaming. _

"_I- uh- um-" Nico was at a loss for words, the blonde's eyes seemed to melt right through him. What the Dad was wrong with him?_

_Will smiled at Nico's desperate attempt to think of something to say. Will decided he didn't have to and silenced him with a kiss._

**AN: Ahh, that was fun. I purposely tried to make Nico's rhymes not flow as well because since Will **_**is**_ **the son of the poetry god, it might make his raps look slightly better. I have surgery tomorrow. Joooooyyy. *prays up to godly parent* DON'T LET ME DIE. Anyways, I shall see you next update, I'm really excited for this next one. Byeeeee**


	9. Chapter 8

**WARNING: HIDDEN ORACLE SPOILERS.**

**Ahhhhh, I know I said the next one would be a Nico VS Someone, but I got this suggestion and I just had to do it. Also, thank you so much to everyone who wished me luck with my surgery. 3 It went well and I'm doing fine, just about fully recovered :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful characters or books**

Round **Apollo **VS Artemis

**Why hello there, Sis**

**Are you ready to get dissed?**

**Stop being a priss**

**Your shooting is lame**

**You're my twin? I'm so ashamed**

**Surrender this game**

For the god of the sun, you really aren't bright

So listen up, bro, let me show you the light

Your offspring are all show offs and self absorbed brats

You got betrayed by a twelve year old, how sad is that?

Seven months in the womb with you, no wonder I don't date

Now what do they call this? Oh yeah, check to the mate.

**Forget the haikus, I need more syllables to diss you**

**It's a good thing you're single, cuz no one would kiss you**

**Turned your back on Kallisto when she was in ruin?**

**Now that's really the true dark side of the moon**

**As for your hunters who so loyally follow**

**They all know they want a piece of Apollo**

Please, don't make me sick

There's really no need for you to be such a…

The bottom of my shoe is better looking than you are

My ears bleed when you try to play guitar

Lester Papadopoulos

Don't even deserve a shrine on the Acropolis

Now go drive your sun

Away back where you came from

**AN: So yeah, that was that. I had so much fun writing it but it took a while to get the haikus to rhyme. **

**For those of you who didn't get the Kallisto line, Kallisto was a hunter really close to Artemis who got tricked by Zeus and got pregnant. When Artemis found out, she turned her into a bear for breaking her vows and not coming to Artemis right away.**

**Also, sorry if the comment about Apollo's kids being brats offended anyone. I personally would have been in Cabin 7, and I WILL BE once my satyr comes *Raises eyebrow expectantly* Anyways, hope you liked it and see ya next time!**


	10. Chapter 9: CROSSOVER TIME

**AN: HAI GUYS! When I started this, I was planning on posting on Christmas as kinda like a holiday special, but I loved the idea too much that I couldn't wait. And besides, it's pretty good timing since Hammer of Thor just came out and since it's my birthday in a few days, why not? **

**So, I present to you, the giant crossover rap battle! It's basically just an extra long rap battle with the male and female leads from each series, so Percy, Annabeth, Carter, Sadie, Magnus, and Sam. If you have not read The Kane Chronicles or Magnus Chase yet- GO READ THEM THEY'RE AMAZING AND COME BACK ONCE YOU DO. If you haven't read Hammer of Thor yet, you're fine. Because it just came out last week, I didn't put any spoilers in. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything by Rick Riordan!**

**Special Round: Percy &amp; Annabeth VS Carter &amp; Sadie VS Magnus &amp; Sam**

**Percy**

Well, we meet again Chicken Man.

Try to beat me, cause no one can.

You fell for clay? That's pretty dang tragic.

And your little spells are such a sad excuse for magic

You two don't need the book of Thoth to know I'm right

You might as well just give up this fight.

**Sadie**

You? Beat us? Fat chance you dork

You look like someone tried to kill you with a fork

Possessed by an eidolon twice? Nice will power there.

I'd fight you, but that pairing would be just too unfair

Every bloody bit of you I just want to Ha-di

Congrats! You won first place in stupidity!

**Sam**

Why don't both of you just shut up, for the love of Allah!

I'm gonna be taking this point for Hotel Valhalla.

Sadie, just because I'm Muslim doesn't mean I want your Isis

And how's your boyfriend doing, with his split personality crisis?

Listening to your rhymes is such a bore

Now I should fly home and do my homework before I start to snore.

**Annabeth**

Do your homework? Well aren't you prudent?

It doesn't take brains to know I'm the better student

While you and your buddies were getting cozy with Thor

I'll have you know that we were fighting two wars

Thanks for making me feel better, I thought my dad was bad

Your pathetic little retorts are just way too sad.

**Magnus**

Why hello there, Cuz, it's great to see you

Just kidding, not really, I would hate to be you

After all that you've been through, tiny spiders have you shaken?

And oh, how scandalous to be the daughter of a maiden.

Your rhymes are so bad I'd rather listen to Jack singing

You hear that? That's the power of Frey that's got your ears ringing

**Carter**

I've traveled the world ever since I was eight

But never have I ever seen such an ugly face

The day that you died the whole world cheered

But meanwhile in Valhalla there was nothing but tears

I rule over Egypt, bow down to your pharaoh.

That is, if you four care to live past tomorrow

* * *

_**Annabeth- **__Not bad guys at all guys, that was pretty dang intense! _

_*high fives are exchanged*_

_**Carter-**_ _Wanna congratulate ourselves for a job well done?_

_**Percy-**_ _Same cheeseburger place as last time?_

_**Magnus-**_ _How about falafel instead? I'm sure Sam wants to visit a certain place I know._

_**Sam-**_ _*smacks Magnus* How about not_

_**Sadie-**_ _Burgers it is, then. C'mon, let's try to get something in us before we get another stupid apocalypse to take care of._

_*gods cackling in distance*_

* * *

**AN: I had so much fun writing that OMGS. As usual, let me know which team or which character you think had the best verse. My personal favorite was Sam's, but I wanna know what you guys think so I know what to work on. :))) BAIOOOO**


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